Inner Vision
What do you see when you close your eyes?
Colors? Complex patterns? Do you see anything at all?
I can hear the old vaudevillian joke
response in my head: “I can’t see anything, my eyes are shut!” But that is not
true. We can see colors and patterns when our eyes our shut, both at night and
in the day time.
I have seen colors when my eyes are shut
for as long as I can remember. If I rub my eyes, the light show of colors gets
more intense. Curious about this phenomenon, I began to research it.
This light show of color we see in these
instances is the result of a “phosphene,” which is created by an internal light
coming from inside the eye. The scientific definition of a phosphene is:
“a luminous image produced by mechanical stimulation of the retina,
as by pressure applied to the eyeball by the finger when the lid is closed.”
I have noticed that these light shows of
color are stronger for me during the morning hours, when the sunlight begins to
come into the window, when I am beginning to come into consciousness, before I
have opened my eyes and gotten out of bed. It is fascinating to me that these
light shows are created from light inside the eye.
For years, I have seen these vibrant
shows of light in the early morning. Neon colors cascading in waves of motion
in front of my eyes, as if my mind is a kaleidoscope, cycling through the colors,
my brain trying to decipher the information.
The colors have been amorphous, not in any shape. They have mainly been wisps of color that float
in front of the eye. However, now I see shapes along with these colors.
The latest shapes were black diamonds,
which let me see the colors through the diamond openings. When the shapes
began, the forms of the diamonds were small, and quite irregular. Now they are fully formed, and look like this:
Since first seeing the patterns along
with the colors, I have noticed that the patterns have become more technical,
more ornate in nature. In fact, they have become vastly more detailed.
Yesterday morning, I had the most detailed color light show yet.
I lay in bed, beginning to wake, and
noticed the sunlight as it entered the room. I rolled over in bed, away from
the window, for the lack of light. While it was now darker, the color light
show began.
What I saw before my eyes was
indescribable. Yet, I will do my best to share this experience with you. All of
this took place in a dream-like state, between consciousness and sleep. None of
it makes any sense. Yet, I saw what I saw, and I remember it.
Picture yourself in the middle of a city
park, mid-day, on a picnic. At one point you lie back in the grass and look at
the clouds passing in the sky above. The clouds move into patterns, creating
different shapes. Perhaps you see a horse, an airplane, a flower, or any number
of shapes that your brain recognizes. You feel completely relaxed watching the
clouds pass in the sky above you, content to watch their patterns.
As I lay in bed yesterday morning I was
in a similar scene. Yet instead of clouds in the sky above me in this dream
like state, I saw people. I did not see these people as photographs, or as vividly
as in reality. Instead, I saw these people as drawn people, or animated images,
completely made of color. It was if I was watching a kaleidoscopic animated
movie.
The figures I saw were not stagnant-they
were adrift in a sea of color before my eyes, just as clouds roll across the
sky.
I remember seeing amorphous shapes turn into these animated figures of
people. I remember seeing images of clouds, floating and forming into people
form, and then evaporating into nothing. I remember seeing two forms, images of two
separate people, morph together, making a completely third form. The new form
was now a woman, in an Elizabethan style collar.
It was as if I was watching a movie
before my eyes, or perhaps a psychedelic Simpsons episode.
I remember lying there, pondering the
phenomenon.
What am I seeing? Who are these people?
Are these characters in a story I am to write?
Going back to the definition of a
phosphene, I realize that this color light show is created when the retina is
stimulated, and that this light is coming from inside the eye itself, not from
any other light source. It made me think about the conversation I had with my
eye doctor, regarding the pigmentation on my retina…..
I wonder if these psychedelic, dream
state color light shows are a result of the pigmentation on my retina. I would
guess that the answer to that question would be yes. After all, pigmentation
refers to the color of something. Yet, we can all see these displays of light,
in varying degrees.
Seeing this inner light show of colors while
my eyes were closed, in a dream-like state, between wake and sleep, has spurned
me to think of our inner light. We all have an inner light. It is our spirit,
our soul, our true selves. Are these shows of light a reflection of the light
within us, our spirit?
This has also made me think of our inner
vision. Just as our inner light is unique to each person, our vision is as
well. We all see the world in a different way. We look at the world and process
the information through different filters, perspectives. I do not see the world
the same way that you do.
As an artist, I do feel I look at the
world differently. I see the world from a different perspective. Observation is
a key component to artists and their art: they observe the world around them, look
for the meaning, analyze what they have seen, and create a piece of art from
it.
Perhaps that is why I am seeing these colors
and patterns appear before my eyes in such an ornate manner. Perhaps this is a
reminder of my purpose in life, to be a writer, to observe the world around me,
and continue to create art. I cannot do that without my inner vision.
“The aim of art is to project an inner vision into the world,
to state in aesthetic creation the deepest psychic
and personal experiences of a human being.
It is to enable those experiences to be intelligible
and generally recognized within the framework of an ideal world.”
-Bruce Lee
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