The Long Lost Poem
Archiving one's written work is a wonderful thing. Reading my own words in the form of a book is an all encompassing feeling. It validates everything I have gone through to arrive at where I am. It confirms every thought and emotion that went in to writing each and every poem. All at once makes thoughts and feelings in the book tangible. It makes them real.
As I have written here, I see myself as a librarian of my own written work, the keeper of my archive of material. I have published two books of my written material to date, "I am Hope" and "The Bigger Picture."
In an effort to weed through the scores of e-mail messages I have collected in the archive, I discovered a long lost poem. It is clear to me that I wrote it, though I do not remember writing it.
Reading the words in this poem, I am instantly transported in time, taken back to when I wrote it. I wrote this poem in 2012, in the wake of a horrible break up of a relationship.
The poem is almost a proverbial Pandora's Box, containing all of the emotions experienced in the break up. There is hurt, anger, grief, disbelief, yearning, loss, and despair.
Yet, unlike Pandora's Box, there is goodness within. Hope is there. Promise is there. Forgiveness. Fortitude. Perseverance.
In reading the poem, I clearly recognize that I am not where I was emotionally when I wrote this poem. I do not feel the hurt and anger I once felt for the person in the poem.
I worked through the hurt. At times I strained to see the bigger picture. Yet I survived that turbulent time in my life.
I survived. No, more than that.
I thrived.
It is now my profound pleasure to share with you the long lost poem, "Ghost from My Past".............
As I have written here, I see myself as a librarian of my own written work, the keeper of my archive of material. I have published two books of my written material to date, "I am Hope" and "The Bigger Picture."
In an effort to weed through the scores of e-mail messages I have collected in the archive, I discovered a long lost poem. It is clear to me that I wrote it, though I do not remember writing it.
Reading the words in this poem, I am instantly transported in time, taken back to when I wrote it. I wrote this poem in 2012, in the wake of a horrible break up of a relationship.
The poem is almost a proverbial Pandora's Box, containing all of the emotions experienced in the break up. There is hurt, anger, grief, disbelief, yearning, loss, and despair.
Yet, unlike Pandora's Box, there is goodness within. Hope is there. Promise is there. Forgiveness. Fortitude. Perseverance.
In reading the poem, I clearly recognize that I am not where I was emotionally when I wrote this poem. I do not feel the hurt and anger I once felt for the person in the poem.
I worked through the hurt. At times I strained to see the bigger picture. Yet I survived that turbulent time in my life.
I survived. No, more than that.
I thrived.
It is now my profound pleasure to share with you the long lost poem, "Ghost from My Past".............
"Ghost From My Past"-2012
I know you’re here, ghost from my past. Everything feels different. I can feel you here.
I know you are thousands of miles away from me. It shouldn’t bother me. But it does.
Part of me wishes you would write to me, apologize for your behavior, and beg for my forgiveness.
Part of me wishes that I never be reminded of your existence.
Everyone tells me to move on, to forget everything, to forget what you did and how deeply you hurt me, and to move on.
Yet no one has talked about forgiveness.
I feel that, to truly move on from this, I need to forgive you.
And I don’t forgive you.
I don’t forgive you or what you did.
I miss my friendship with the person you pretended to be.
Now I’m left with memories of conversations and broken dreams of things that will never be.
I know you are here. I can feel you here. It’s not a comfortable feeling. I know you’re here.
My sister says that sadness doesn’t go away on its own. You have to sit in it and deal with it before you can stand up and walk out of it. That’s a pool full of murky water that I don’t want to go into.
But I will do whatever it takes to get over this hurt and not care about you.
If that means bathing in, wading in, diving into the murky water, opening myself up again to the heartache and hurt that I pushed away, I will do it.
When I come out the other side you won’t believe how clean I will be, and just how little you will matter to me.
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