Dialogue
I recently took an online class called
“Innovative Thinking.” One lesson in the class examined what it means to be innovative in ones thinking, and how to think innovatively. The class listed several
techniques to bring about innovative thinking:
Dance as if no
one was watching.
Play like a
child.
Experiment.
Challenge.
Do.
Learn.
Study.
Create.
Accept failure.
Try new things.
Take a different
route home from school or work.
Go see a movie that you would not normally see.
Listen to music
that you would not normally listen to.
Try to see
things from another person’s perspective.
Start a dialogue
with someone different than yourself.
In your
dialogue, talk about uncomfortable things.
Learn to be comfortable being uncomfortable.
Dialogue is something I had not thought
of as being a tool to thinking innovatively. However, in the current state of
things, the onslaught of “fake news” into social media and news outlets,
dialogue is just what the world needs today.
Since the U.S. Presidential election in
2016, there has been an exponential increase in hate crimes and hate groups around the country.
More than that, hatred now has an official place in the White House. The United
States is a divided country, a state of “Us” versus “Them.”
This division is a mental one, within the
hearts and minds of Americans. Many have said statements like: “I’m not like
them. I would never do such a thing.” Of course, there are many words to
substitute for the identifier “them”: Conservative, liberal, democrat, republican,
white, black, gay, straight, immigrants, native born, fill in the blank.
It is important to remember that we are
all the same, on a fundamental level. We want the same things. We want to be
safe. We want to keep our families safe. We want enough food to eat. We want a safe
home to live in. We want to be healthy. We all want to be happy.
We all need to talk to one another, with
basic human respect. Dialogues can be informal; they can take place over lunch,
via text, online, traveling together, whenever and wherever possible.
Last month I watched the documentary “Freedom to Marry”, now streaming on Netflix. The movie showed the struggle to
legalize same-sex marriage in the United Sates. One of the key techniques
utilized by advocates in the film was dialogue. Talking with friends and family
about the reasons why they wanted to marry their partner made people see things
differently. People saw the issue from another perspective. These dialogues
changed people’s minds. They changed minds, changed hearts, and even changed
the law.
I recently read a public dialogue between author Brene Brown, professor at the University of Houston, and DeRay
McKesson, an activist in the Black Lives Matter movement, entitled, "The Courage to Show Up."
The two initially began their dialogue on
Twitter in 2016, when Brown responded to one of McKesson’s tweets. They met on
February 1 of this year at the Riverside Church in New York City. Over 2,000
attended the dialogue, while 10,000 listened to the conversation
online.
Jenny Boylan, the Anna Quindlen Writer in
Residence at Barnard College of Columbia University, wrote about the
dialogue between Brown and McKesson, which covered many topics, including white privilege, guilt and shame. Boylan highlighted several key points and questions from the evening in her article:
"-…can
white and black people learn how to talk to each other in the current
atmosphere of distrust? More importantly, how can we learn how to listen — really listen — to one another?
-…the
very word ‘privilege’ triggers defensiveness among white people — and conversations about
privilege can swiftly morph into a speech about striving and hard work, about
how, in the words of Richard Nixon, ‘I
worked for every penny I’ve got.’ White people discount the role that whiteness
may have played in their success….
-….how
do we get people to see a thing that is invisible to them? How do we get people
to participate in a process that can feel like an invitation to shame?
-…white
people can (and must) accept their complicity in the system of injustice that
slavery engendered. And we can (and must) also understand that we can work to
undo that injustice. White America may be guilty of the original sin of
slavery, but the proper response to this legacy is not shame, but engagement,
and work, and a dedication to creating change.
-When
people — white
and black — speak
of their pain or struggle, the proper response is to listen respectfully."
Two quotes from Brown and McKesson themselves
stood out to me:
“We need to ask better questions,
and to
spend more time listening than talking.”
-Brene
Brown
“We’re
fighting not only for the absence of oppression,
but also for the presence of
justice and joy.”
-DeRay McKesson
I have had many discussions with those within
my social circle. Most of my friends and family share common values, and are
like me in several ways; however, there are many ways in which those in my
social circle and I are not alike.
For example, since I came out as
demisexual in 2016, I have had several discussions with a friend about my
demisexuality. She asked me several questions about what demisexuality means,
how I identify as a demisexual, and how I came to discover my sexual
orientation. As our discussions went on, our conversations grew to discuss the
sexual and asexual spectrums, as well as gender identities and issues within
the LGBT and queer communities. We both learned a great deal through those discussions with one another.
Since then, I have had several
discussions with different friends on different topics, to learn their
perspectives, opinions and points of view. While I had a desire to share my
opinion, I was more interested in hearing what my friends had to say.
That is a key component to
dialogue-listening. Listening to another person, hearing their perspective,
learning their intent, seeing what is in their heart.
I have asked many friends the same
questions, curious to hear how their answers would differ. I have a diverse group of friends, in
terms of religions, sexual orientations, and skin colors. Their answers varied,
based on their individual perspectives. Some of the questions I asked them
include:
“How do you
define white privilege?”
“How do you feel
about athletes kneeling in protest
when the
national anthem is played?”
With the increase in gun massacres around
the United States, I have asked my friends:
“How do you feel
about gun legislation? What do you think we can do
to solve this
issue in this country?”
“Do you think we
should have criminal background checks for gun purchases?”
With my friends from other countries, who
are now U.S. citizens, I have asked them:
“How do you
define ‘Latino’?”
“What does the
word ‘Hispanic’ mean to you?”
“How do you feel
about the President building a border wall
to ‘protect the
U.S. from immigrants?’”
“How do you feel
about the U.S. President calling Haiti
and countries in Africa ‘shithole countries?’”
How does change come about? Dialogue is a
great way to start. Begin a dialogue with the people in your social circle. Start
with one friend if you’d like. Ask them a question on a topic that matters to
you. Ask them for their opinion on a particular topic. If a friend asks you to
have a conversation with them, accept their invitation.
If there is a difference of opinions, you
can agree to disagree. No one has to be right.
Be open to express your opinions, and be open-minded enough to listen to the opinions of the person(s) you are having a
dialogue with.
Having a dialogue with one another is the
first step to peace. You never know what will happen throughout the course of a
dialogue. You just might end up changing the world.
“A dialogue leads to connection, which
leads to trust,
which leads to engagement.”-Seth Godin
“Peace is only possible when one of the
warring sides takes the first step,
the hazardous initiative, the risk of
opening up dialogue,
and decides to make the gesture that will
lead
not only to an armistice but to peace.”
–Jacques Derrida
“Peace does not mean an absence of
conflicts; differences will always be there.
Peace means solving these
differences through peaceful means;
through dialogue, education, knowledge,
and
through humane ways.”
-Dalai Lama
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