A Face of Ace

Hello there, my name is Esperanza Habla. And I am a Face of Ace.

Today is the last day of Pride month. As such, I thought I would take a moment to talk about my experiences after coming out.

When I came out as demisexual three years ago, I had no idea how my life would change. I never dreamed of the responsibilities inherent in coming out, nor the opportunities that would come my way.

Before I knew how I identify, I had always thought of coming out as a one time event, as when friends had come out to me. However LGBTQIA+ people can come out several times in their lives. When I share my truth with someone, that is another coming out. I think I have come out a dozen times.

When a person comes out, they then become a representation-or face-of that orientation or identity. For example, when Janelle Monae came out as pansexual, her announcement broke the internet; millions went online to find the definition for the orientation.

When people think of celebrities who are LGBTQIA+, it becomes easy to find the faces of different orientations and identities. Janelle Monae is pansexual. Laverne Cox is transgender. Billy Porter is gay. Drew Barrymore is bisexual. Jonathan Van Ness is nonbinary. While these categories and labels might seem meaningless to some, they are vital examples of representation of LGBTQIA+ people.

https://etcanada.com/news/643309/entertainment-weekly-pride-issue-celebrates-new-and-enduring-hollywood-icons/

Last weekend I watched “Disclosure”, a new documentary on Netflix, about trans people, and their documentation and portrayal in television and film. One message from the film resonated with me: “You cannot be what you cannot see.”

Think about all of the youth that look up to sports celebrities and dream of playing professional sports. Think about how important it is for young girls to see positive role models.

I am reminded of a picture that went viral a few years ago, depicting a young black girl looking at a portrait of First Lady Michelle Obama completely awestruck. That picture is the perfect example of representation in progress.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/a-moment-of-awe-photo-of-little-girl-staring-at-michelle-obama-portrait-goes-viral/2018/03/04/4e5a4548-1ff2-11e8-94da-ebf9d112159c_story.html

Just like LGBTQIA + celebrities in popular culture, I serve as representation for my orientation. On a much smaller scale of course.

Again I am demisexual, an orientation in the asexual category, often abbreviated as “ace.” Like the category "queer", the category "asexual" is an umbrella term, encompassing different orientations.

https://www.reddit.com/r/asexuality/comments/g29av1/asexual_spectrum_identities/

The current estimate is that asexual people, or "aces", make up around 1% of the human population.

1% of the population sounds an infinitesimal number. However, that equates to 70 million people, comparable to the population of Japan. Another comparison: red headed people make up 1.5% of the human population.

As I have a very rare sexual orientation, I now have the responsibility, and opportunity, to be "a face of ace" for everyone. I would imagine you have never met a demisexual, or an asexual person. But we’re out there. We're the unicorn in the herd of horses; we're like all the other members of the herd, except with one glaring difference.

There are many misconceptions about asexual people, as well as many negative stereotypes. Ask yourself, what does an asexual look like? Here's a recent photo of me, from back in the days of quarantine (May 2020.) Do I look asexual?

One of the influencers I follow on social media is Yasmin Benoit, British activist and model. She is a gorgeous woman who identifies asexual. Here’s one of her recent posts….

Does she look asexual?

I recently took part in a social media campaign: “This is What Asexual Looks Like.” (You’ll find me at minute six of the video.) ; )

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IjPUD9GiXy8

It should be clear from the video that there isn't a look of asexuality. You cannot tell how someone identifies just by looking at them. Many of us who are queer pass as straight. You would never know I wasn't queer if I didn't tell you. That makes it more important that I share my truth, how I identify.

It is of vital importance that those who identify as LGBTQIA+ see representation of people that are like themselves. I never knew I was demisexual until I read an article written on asexuality. Without having read that article, having that model of representation, I would not know that I am demisexual.

As for me, I never envisioned I would one day be the “poster child” for asexuality, or "a face of ace.” That being said, I am thankful to be a representation for my sexual orientation.

As a demisexual, representation is important to me. I have never met another asexual person, or demisexual, ever. I know of a few asexual characters in popular culture:

-"Todd" from the Bojack Horseman cartoon

https://www.bustle.com/p/todds-asexuality-on-bojack-horseman-isnt-a-perfect-depiction-but-its-made-me-feel-understood-12057178#:~:text=Bustle-,Todd%27s%20Asexuality%20On%20%27BoJack%20Horseman%27%20Isn%27t%20A%20Perfect,It%27s%20Made%20Me%20Feel%20Understood&text=I%27ve%20never%20connected%20with,exasperated%2C%20refreshing%20a%20dating%20app.

-Jughead from “Riverdale” and the Archie Comic Books

https://www.vulture.com/2016/02/archie-jughead-asexual.html#:~:text=Crown%2Dwearing%20Archie%20Comics%20character,is%2C%20in%20fact%2C%20asexual.

-Luna Lovegood from the Harry Potter saga

Of all of the above, I most identify with Luna Lovegood. She and I are both in Ravenclaw house, and have a lot in common.

https://harrypotter.fandom.com/wiki/Luna_Lovegood

This representation comes with its challenges. What is wrong with the depiction of these asexual characters? Absolutely nothing. Still, these are characters. In movies, books and TV. Not real people. I cannot name one person that is asexual.

It's important to point out that the LGBTQIA+ communities are made of every queer person under the sun. When people hear the word "gay", or the acronym LGBT, they most often think of a gay white man. In reality, there are more of us under the rainbow than you would think.

The following drawing illustrates this point. In the drawing, every person on top of the water is a gay white man. Everyone under the water is everyone else that identifies as LGBTQIA+, or queer, seeking representation and validation.

Last year was the 50th anniversary of the Stonewall Uprising, the riot against police violence against the gay community. To mark the anniversary, a special sign was installed on Christopher Street in New York City, down the street from the Stonewall Inn, where the uprising occurred. Here’s a picture of the sign:

I was surprised to see this picture, to see all of the orientations and identities represented. Granted, there are hundreds of thousands of gender identities and sexual orientations, and not all are listed on a sign. That's where the "plus" comes in, to include everyone under the rainbow.

However, when I saw there was an asexual sign, the yellow sign in the picture above, I almost burst into tears. I never thought asexuality would be represented, and included, in a Pride celebration. To have that street sign included, I was included. I felt seen, represented and validated. All from a simple street sign.

The Stonewall Inn has found itself on hard times in recent months, as have many businesses in the global pandemic. There are 2 fundraisers on Go Fund Me for the Stonewall. The first fund raiser is for the upkeep of the building:

https://www.gofundme.com/f/support-the-stonewall-inn

The second fund raiser is to help the staff of the Stonewall Inn:

https://www.gofundme.com/f/5mkvbr-the-stonewall-inn-staff

If you can do so, please consider making a donation to save this historic landmark.

To all my LGBTQIA+ family members, whether you are out or not, I see you, I hear you, I validate you, I love you. You are a part of what makes our communities a truly magical place. Thank you for sharing your light with all of us.

To all of the LGBTQIA+ allies out there, hello and welcome. We’ve had a momentous win in the Supreme Court, enabling protection from discrimination in the workplace. We need your help to get complete equal rights in this country. It can't happen without your help.