Disconnect
Hi there friend. How
are you? I hope you are well.
Forgive me for not writing sooner. Things have been fine here of late; I recently enjoyed two weeks’ vacation from work. I was able to run errands, do some shopping, get some delicious food from some local restaurants, and more.
One of the things I accomplished on my vacation was receiving my first Covid vaccination.
I am thankful
that I was finally eligible to receive a vaccine. As of now, anyone sixteen
years of age and older in the U.S. is eligible to receive one!
I went to the Indianapolis Motor Speedway to get my first Covid vaccination. This is where the Indy 500 race takes place every year. At the end of the month of May, the area around the Speedway is crowded with people going to the festivities at the track. Memorial Day weekend, the entire West side of Indianapolis resembles a parking lot.
I have never been to
the Indy 500; I don't like sports, and I am not big on crowds of thousands of
people. I made it clear to all that this would be the only time in my life I would willingly go
to the Speedway!
I was supposed to get the Johnson and Johnson vaccine; however, the CDC had pulled the vaccine for safety reasons. So I got another version of the vaccine. I originally wanted the J & J vaccine for convenience, as it is only one dose. However, I am relieved to get the vaccination, and to have received it this quickly.
At the start of the year, I hypothesized that it would be July before I would be eligible to receive a vaccination.
I will receive my second vaccination in a week. I will be relieved, and will
feel more comfortable, when I am fully vaccinated.
Another thing that I accomplished on my vacation was a deep dive cleanse of my home. I emptied closets, and created piles of things I wanted to keep, donate, or throw away. A friend joked with me about my tendency to purge items from my home while on vacation:
Another thing that I accomplished on my vacation was a deep dive cleanse of my home. I emptied closets, and created piles of things I wanted to keep, donate, or throw away. A friend joked with me about my tendency to purge items from my home while on vacation:
“You do that every time. How do you still own anything?!?”
In truth, if I buy something, something like it has to leave my home. For example, I just bought a new purse. It replaces a purse I recently donated that I no longer wanted. This helps me keep the number of my possessions in check, and find better solutions for my storage challenges.
Once my purging of items was done, I reorganized my closets, kitchen pantry, kitchen cabinet storage, and more. I then cleaned every surface of my home, from stem to stern. After that, I made several trips to the trash, to the recycling dumpster, and to my local donation superstore, to donate items I no longer needed or wanted.
One day while running an errand, tootling around town, a favorite song of mine began to play on my on my 80s music playlist on my phone. I am the queen of the playlists. I have a playlist for every decade from the 1950s to now. I also create playlists of singers and bands that I love. I often make a playlist from an artist's earliest work to their latest work, to hear the evolution of their music and growth as an artist. I love creating and curating playlists. I also do this for the playlist at my library.
As the song continued, I remember thinking…
I love this song! I
love singing along, especially to that part in the song!
As soon as my brain registered that thought, I instantly had another thought:
I'm not singing along to this song.
There I was, driving
in the car for heaven knows how long, not singing along to the song. I was
mouthing the words, but no sound was coming out of my mouth.
You may not know this about me, but I am a singer. Music is in my DNA. I have written about this before:
You may not know this about me, but I am a singer. Music is in my DNA. I have written about this before:
I have been singing
since before I could speak. I take every opportunity to sing. Whether it's in
my own head, in a voice above a whisper, or at the top of my lungs in full
belt, I am a singer. I sing
in the car, the shower, on my couch, in my kitchen, doing laundry, in the grocery store, in line at the bank, in the
library, anywhere and everywhere.
My mind then began to spiral in endless thought...
For me, this was a sign of a major disconnect.
My mind then began to spiral in endless thought...
Why am I not singing?
I love to sing this song. I love to sing.
I love to sing this
song. It’s so gratifying to sing that part of the song.
I love to belt that
part. Why am I not singing along?
How long have I not
been singing along to the music?
Is this just now? Have
I been doing this for weeks? Or months?
Why am I not singing
along to the music?!?!?!?
For me, this was a sign of a major disconnect.
I read an article recently that named the feeling of disconnect that many of us are experiencing now: languishing.
Languish is defined as: “to be in or live in a state of depression or decreasing vitality; to become dispirited” (Merriam Webster definition)
Writer Adam Grant wrote this on the topic:
“Languishing is a sense of stagnation and emptiness… It’s the void between depression and flourishing — the absence of well-being…You’re not functioning at full capacity. Languishing dulls your motivation, disrupts your ability to focus…”
This languishing
entered my life and didn’t even know it. I knew that I was experiencing a
malaise. Something was off, disjointed, irregular; yet, I couldn't express
it or understand it. While I don’t know
how long this languishing has been in my life, I am all too aware of it now. I
have noticed a difference while watching TV. When watching a scripted
television show, I have no recollection what happened the week before. I watch
the thirty second recap of last week’s episode, which my brain slowly begins to
then remember.
I have also felt disconnected from writing. For weeks in lock-down last year I didn't have a journal to use, so I purchased notebooks at my local grocery store. I had hundreds of pages to write on, yet I felt no connection to the page. Months later, I purchased a proper journal. That did not rectify the problem. Even now, I find I am still disconnected to writing. Sometimes it will take weeks of working on a piece for the thoughts to align. Even sitting down, putting pen to paper, feels like a foreign concept to me.
I have also found that I have problems concentrating when reading. I scan book pages, using my fingers as a guide, to help me stay present and focused on what I’m reading. If I don’t scan the pages, I won’t retain what I’m reading.
This disconnect also became a physical manifestation in my home. When I began to purge items from my home, on this vacation, I realized that many of those things had been there for months, or maybe a year.
In May of 2020, I returned to work after being in lock-down for nine weeks. I was completely preoccupied with the unknowns of the pandemic, the fears and hypotheticals that had all of us in a collective shock. I was mentally preoccupied with trying to survive a pandemic. I didn’t think about my household items, or the boxes or envelopes they were delivered in.
Now that I am aware of the languishing that has been happening in my life, I can begin to remedy it. My plan is to begin a regimen of self-care. Here are things I’d like to work on:
-I can get more sleep. I can stop drinking caffeinated beverages at 4 pm, instead of 5pm, to give me a better chance of getting a good night’s sleep.
-I can remind myself to be mindful and sing along the music playing, a thought that I once would have found completely ludicrous.
-I can pay attention to what I'm watching on TV, and invest myself in the stories I’m watching.
-I can put pen to paper to express my thoughts. It doesn’t have to be perfect; it doesn’t have to be published. I know it will help me work through the disconnect.
-I can reach out to friends and family and engage them in conversation.
-As more people get vaccinated, I can begin to go out to eat, go see a movie, go see a musical, get involved in my local community, and expand my social circle.
-I can pay close attention to my awareness of the world, to see if the disconnect is growing. If it is, I can increase my self-care measures to keep it in check.
It has been a year and two months since the pandemic began. Those of us that have survived to this moment in time are traumatized. We have lived through a great deal. The languishing we have experienced is real, and we need to combat it.
As more people begin to be vaccinated the face masks are coming off. More people are going out into the world to shop, dine out, and spend time with family and friends. That is what we need now, connection.
If you find yourself languishing, it’s time to reengage. Plug in. Create a connection. think about what you're missing, and create a plan to bring it about.
Create your own self-care regimen.
I have also felt disconnected from writing. For weeks in lock-down last year I didn't have a journal to use, so I purchased notebooks at my local grocery store. I had hundreds of pages to write on, yet I felt no connection to the page. Months later, I purchased a proper journal. That did not rectify the problem. Even now, I find I am still disconnected to writing. Sometimes it will take weeks of working on a piece for the thoughts to align. Even sitting down, putting pen to paper, feels like a foreign concept to me.
I have also found that I have problems concentrating when reading. I scan book pages, using my fingers as a guide, to help me stay present and focused on what I’m reading. If I don’t scan the pages, I won’t retain what I’m reading.
This disconnect also became a physical manifestation in my home. When I began to purge items from my home, on this vacation, I realized that many of those things had been there for months, or maybe a year.
In May of 2020, I returned to work after being in lock-down for nine weeks. I was completely preoccupied with the unknowns of the pandemic, the fears and hypotheticals that had all of us in a collective shock. I was mentally preoccupied with trying to survive a pandemic. I didn’t think about my household items, or the boxes or envelopes they were delivered in.
Now that I am aware of the languishing that has been happening in my life, I can begin to remedy it. My plan is to begin a regimen of self-care. Here are things I’d like to work on:
-I can get more sleep. I can stop drinking caffeinated beverages at 4 pm, instead of 5pm, to give me a better chance of getting a good night’s sleep.
-I can remind myself to be mindful and sing along the music playing, a thought that I once would have found completely ludicrous.
-I can pay attention to what I'm watching on TV, and invest myself in the stories I’m watching.
-I can put pen to paper to express my thoughts. It doesn’t have to be perfect; it doesn’t have to be published. I know it will help me work through the disconnect.
-I can reach out to friends and family and engage them in conversation.
-As more people get vaccinated, I can begin to go out to eat, go see a movie, go see a musical, get involved in my local community, and expand my social circle.
-I can pay close attention to my awareness of the world, to see if the disconnect is growing. If it is, I can increase my self-care measures to keep it in check.
It has been a year and two months since the pandemic began. Those of us that have survived to this moment in time are traumatized. We have lived through a great deal. The languishing we have experienced is real, and we need to combat it.
As more people begin to be vaccinated the face masks are coming off. More people are going out into the world to shop, dine out, and spend time with family and friends. That is what we need now, connection.
If you find yourself languishing, it’s time to reengage. Plug in. Create a connection. think about what you're missing, and create a plan to bring it about.
Create your own self-care regimen.
Celebrate surviving a
global health crisis. Celebrate being alive. Celebrate the people that matter to you. Celebrate you!
I'll draw this letter to a close. Take care my friend. You matter to me. Don't forget to celebrate life, and to sing along.
I'll draw this letter to a close. Take care my friend. You matter to me. Don't forget to celebrate life, and to sing along.
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