Honorifics

 Honorifics

-Or-

"Mrs. Habla"

You’ve probably never heard of the term “honorifics.” I hadn’t heard of the term until very recently. I was surprised to know that we use honorifics on a daily basis. Definitions of the word vary with every source. In practical terms, an honorific is a title one uses to refer to another person out of respect.
 
In Great Britain, titles of royalty are the most used honorifics. For example, “His royal highness”, and “His majesty.” The titles of Prince and Princess, Duke and Duchess, Lord and Lady, Sir and Dame, are all honorifics.
 
In America, we use honorifics daily as well. We use the titles of “Coach” for sports leaders, “Reverend” for members of clergy, “Professor” for teachers in college, “Your Honor” for judges, etc. We also use honorifics when addressing people we don’t know, using “sir” or “ma’am.”
 
I believe the most common honorifics in America are “mister” (Mr.) and “Miss”. This is where it gets complicated. For men and for people who identify as male, the current honorific is mister. In researching this topic, I was surprised to find an archaic honorific for boys and young men under 18 years of age: “Master.”
 
For women and people who identify as female, there are three honorifics:
 
            -Miss: a young woman, unmarried
            -Ms. (pronounced “Miz”): an unmarried woman-age unknown
            -Missus (Mrs.): a married woman (currently, formerly, divorced or widowed)-age unknown
 
 
To summarize, men have the honorific of Mr., (and a former one no longer in use, Master,) based solely on their gender identification, not their age or marital status. Women have three honorifics based on their gender identification, age, and marital status: Miss, Ms., and Missus.
 
Honorifics for women are complicated and confusing, which doesn’t have to be the case. Just as “Master” is archaic, I feel that “Ms.” should be archaic as well. Life would be so much simpler if women over the age of 18 had one honorific as men do: “Missus” (Mrs.)
 
Using myself as an example, I’m over 50 years of age. It would be inappropriate for anyone to refer to me as a “Miss” as I am over the age of 18. However, that’s not the way society works. If I were to complete a legal form, I would be legally bound to use the proper honorific, "Ms." If I were to use the honorific of “Mrs.”, and were to call myself “Mrs. Habla”, it implies that I married a man with the last name of Habla. Esperanza Habla is a pen name, not my real name. It doesn’t exist. Neither does Mr. Habla. My life isn’t validated by the presence of a man. My status in life, and my honorific, shouldn’t be either.
 

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I must confess that I found honorifics to be quite confusing when studying the Spanish language. I have a friend who is a native Spanish speaker who introduced me to a friend as “Señorita Esperanza.” In a quiet moment, I told my friend, “I’m not a señorita; I’m over 18, I’m a ‘señora.’” My friend then taught me that “señorita” in the Spanish language is defined as an unmarried woman, regardless of age. “Señora” is the honorific for a married woman. If I lived the rest of my life and never married, I would be a “señorita” until the day I die.

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There is another, more important side to this topic. I’m learning that, just as pronouns are important to many of my fellow LGBTQIA+ individuals, honorifics are important as well. As many in the LGTQIA+ have defined how they identify, and have specified their pronouns, many have also specified their honorifics.
 
I follow an amazing person on Instagram-Ty Deran. They are an actor, performer, educator, a social media influencer, and a professional unicorn, according to their Instagram account. Their honorific is “Mx.”, pronounced “Mix.” Using an X on their honorific is gender neutral. Thus, “Mx.” delineates how Ty identifies. Ty is an amazing person-their Instagram page is full of reels that are informative, thought provoking, and enlightening. Ty often talks to the camera, expressing what's on their mind and heart. Ty also performs reels in one of their characters, a mother, that is heartwarming and delightful. Check them out!

https://www.instagram.com/mx.deran/?hl=en

 

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While people have their own thoughts and choices about their honorifics, the matter has great importance and implications in customer service professions. For years now, customer service tutorials have instructed professionals to not use gender specific honorifics for any member of the public that you don’t personally know.
 
Imagine misgendering someone on the job. Imagine calling a woman "sir." Imagine calling a man "ma'am." I have done it, completely by accident, not knowing I misgendered the person until it was too late. I felt horrible afterwards; there was no way to rectify the situation, other than to offer an apology. Saying, “Hello, may I help you?” when greeting a member of the public is an inclusive way to greet people, and ensures that no one will be mistakenly misgendered.
 
Customer service professionals also avoid using the phrase “Ladies and Gentlemen.” There are many individuals who do not identify as a male or female, would not identify with being called a lady or a gentleman, and could feel excluded from the group being addressed. From a customer service perspective, when addressing a group of people, the phrase “Hello everyone…” is a wonderful alternative. It’s a great way to greet a group of people, whether they are known to you or not.
 

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I've been contemplating the difference in honorifics for years. Why are men solely referred to as “mister?” Why do women have three titles? Why can’t I call myself “missus” (Mrs.) if I want to? I’m a grown woman, decades past being 18 years of age. If I want to refer to myself as a Missus, I should be able to do so.

 

In thinking about all I've learned about honorifics, I realize that I've a lot more to learn. When meeting a new person, I like to know their pronouns. I have a button that I wear at work to show others my pronouns (she-her-hers.) While I’m learning a person’s pronouns, I should also learn how they would like to be addressed: “Mister”, “Missus”, “Miss”, “Ms.”, “Mx.”, etc.

That brings me to my decision about my personal honorific. I choose to now be a Missus (Mrs.) If you know my real name, and if I send you written correspondence, it’s going to say “Mrs.” beside my last name.  I am the one who decides how I identify, what my pronouns are, and what I’d like to be called. From now on, you may call me Mrs. Habla.

"Mrs." by Mrs. Habla