Year of Firsts

Year of Firsts    June 20, 2025

Grief: noun: “A deep and poignant distress caused by or as if by bereavement”
 
Bereavement: noun: “The state or fact of being bereaved or deprived of something or someone”
 
Bereaved: noun: “suffering the death of a loved one”
*Merriam/Webster Dictionary

This is a year of firsts for me. 

The first loss in my family. 

The first days of a new world, a new reality.

The firsts have hit me firmly. 

The first Valentine’s Day without my mother. 

My first birthday without my mother. 

Then her birthday. 

Then Mother’s Day.

In the months to come, it will all be new-new firsts, holidays without her here. 

Holidays with no meaning; holidays with profound meaning.

A year ago or more, I read a book by Jeanette McCurdy: “I’m Glad My Mom Died.” Reading the book, it’s in two parts: before her mother’s death, and after. I didn’t understand it at the time.

I now understand it profoundly. 

My life is now in two parts: My Life With My Mother; My Life Without Her.

That’s how it will be, forevermore.

Yet, this year is unique. 

There will never again be another year of firsts.