Proof

Proof

April 2026

I don’t know what’s about to happen. My entire life could change in an instant. It could lead me to an existential crisis. It could prove I exist. It could be a colossal waste of time. I'll just have to take the risk. 

*

It was over twenty years ago, when I moved into my house, that I asked my parents for my adoption papers and birth certificate. I was given the papers, but didn’t look at them. I knew that, once I looked at them, 

It took me years to look at my adoption papers. I was right; once I looked at my adoption papers, it made everything real. It then dawned on me that my birth certificate wasn’t with my adoption papers. I then rang my parents to ask for my birth certificate. I was then surprised to learn that my parents didn’t have my birth certificate. 

*

Several years later, it was time to renew my passport. I had a friend take my photograph so I could renew my passport online. However, I was thrown off course when my mother died. The weeks turned into months. I lost track of time, and missed the renewal deadline. 

Fast forward to now. As it’s been so many years, I am now no longer eligible to renew my passport. I need to go to a passport renewal site and apply for an entirely new passport in person. However I cannot apply for a new passport without my birth certificate.

*

I then had to research the matter, to find a solution for this dilemma. I came to know that this is all too common a situation for individuals that have been adopted. When an adoption is private, a person’s birth certificate is sealed in the entirety of forms and documents involved in an adoption. 

Quite often, an adopted individual in a closed, private adoption, must file a petition with a judge to request to receive a copy of their birth certificate. Again, this is to ask for a copy of a birth certificate. A person could appear before a judge, and the judge could refuse the request. 

*

A few weeks ago, I met with a notary public to apply for a birth certificate in my hometown. However, I couldn’t complete the form in its entirety, as there are details of my birth that are unknown to me. For example, I don’t know the time of my birth, the name of the hospital I was born in, etc. As I didn’t know all the pertinent details, I couldn’t proceed in filling out the application. 

However, I was given another path to take: to apply for my birth certificate from the city and state I was born in. I did some research, and discovered an application to obtain a copy of my birth record from the state I was born in! Adult individuals that have been adopted can apply for a copy of their birth record. Also, children and other descendants of adopted people are able to apply as well!

The application was very straightforward. There was space for my current name, my birth name, if known, as well as other pertinent information. I completed the application, enclosed the required payment, and sealed the envelope. 

******

I haven’t mailed the application yet. Looking to the future, I’m hopeful to receive a copy of my birth record. Of course, it could have untold consequences. The birth record could contain the names of my biological parents. I had to think long and hard about whether I wanted to apply for a copy of my birth record, to risk learning this information. It could send me into an existential crisis. 

Conversely , the application could say “name redacted” where the biological parents’ names could be. Birth parents involved in an adoption have the right to have their names redacted from a birth record, to maintain their privacy. If my birth record comes, and it says “name redacted”, I would be fine with that. I’ve gone this long without knowing my biological parent’s names.

*

Friends and family have asked me if that’s why I’m doing this. They have asked if I’m applying for my birth record to discover the identities of my biological parents. I have no interest in finding out the names of my birth parents. I am only interested in receiving a copy of my birth record to apply for a new passport. Well, that, and to prove that I actually exist.

I have countless papers and documents that prove that I exist. I have tax documents, banking information, a verified driver’s license, and a U.S. passport that all prove that I exist. However I do not have the most elementary of documents that proves my existence, my birth certificate. A copy of my birth record is the closest thing I can get.

*

I confided to a friend that I was completing the application to receive a copy of my birth record. I told her that I need my birth record, or birth certificate, to apply for another passport. My friend then asked me, “How did you ever get a passport without your birth certificate?” The question took me by surprise. How DID I get a passport without my birth certificate?!? 

I then remembered how it happened. I replied, “My parents helped me apply. I was a college kid at the time, and we were planning a trip to Europe.”

*

*

*

I now write this on the morning that I mailed the application. It’s all filled out, the check has been written, the envelope sealed. I went to my local post office to mail the application. 

I stood at the mailbox and took a moment. I took a moment to contemplate the consequences, as well as the possibilities. Did I really want to do this? Did I really want to risk everything I know I am to be over a piece of paper?? I took a deep breath, and summoned all of my courage. I took a deep breath, and said the only thing that came to mind in the moment: “Godspeed.”

*

*

I don’t need my biological parents’ names, I don’t need to know who they were, the two individuals that gave me my DNA. However, if I were to receive a copy of my birth record, and if their names are on it, I can honor and thank them by name for bringing me into this world. They did their job; they got me here. Knowing the story of my circumstances as an infant, ensuring my survival was no small feat.

It’s no small feat that any of us are here. Think about all the stars that had to align to bring all of us into being. One person met another. Their parents met one another. Their parents met each other, and back and back to the dawn of time.

It’s no small feat that any of us is here. We are here for a reason. We exist for a reason. All of us are on the planet at this moment and time for a reason. We exist. We have a fundamental right to exist, to be, to know that we are, that we do, to take up space.

We exist. I exist. I am here for a reason. Even without a birth certificate, or birth record, I exist. Yet, sad to say, I need a piece of paper to prove it.

I’m hopeful for the days ahead. I’m hopeful to receive my birth record, whether it has the names of my biological parents or not. I’m hopeful that they can find the necessary documentation to issue me a copy of my birth record. However, if they’re unable to find the pertinent information, they will inform me of this and return my application fee.

I'm hopeful for the days ahead. I look forward to the day that I receive a copy of my birth record. I look forward to receiving that official document to prove that I exist.

**********************************************

May 2026

Three weeks have gone by since I mailed the application. I have received my birth record.

I had hoped to have details of my birth, with the date, time, place, name of hospital, etc. I didn’t get any of those things.

The only information I received on my birth record was my biological mother’s name, and her age when she gave birth to me.  My biological father’s name was not recorded. No age for my biological father was recorded.

Before I sent the application in the mail, I began referring to my biological parents as Fred and Ginger. That’s a wonderful way to think of people you don’t know but that are responsible for giving you life. After all, it takes two to tango. And make a baby.

So, I’ve come to the end of my journey. For now. I don’t know key details regarding my birth. However, I’m not discouraged by this. I feel that it's kismet, bashert, meant to be. If I were meant to know the information, it would have been given to me.

*

*

*

Looking back on the experience, it makes sense that I received the birth record so quickly-there’s not much information on it. The only piece of knowledge conveyed in the birth record was my birth mother’s name and age when she gave birth to me. If I ever feel like searching for more information about my adoption, that’s where I’ll start.

But, I did it. I swallowed my fear, summoned my courage, and risked everything I know to be true. Now that I have a copy of my birth record, I can go apply for a passport. That was the original goal, after all. 

I feel a sense of calm, a peace of mind, knowing that I have my birth record, after all these years. I finally have an official record, official proof, that I exist.

“It says that, you know, out of all of these 

hundreds of thousands of ancestors that you have going into the past, 

they all came down to one point, which was you. 

You know, you are the sum 

of a uniquely miraculous conjunction of different DNAs, 

different parents meeting.”

-Stephen Fry