The Loss of a Loved One
There is nothing like the loss of a loved
one. That person who took up such an important place in your life is not there
anymore. They will never be there again. There is a massive gaping hole where
that person used to be. How can you begin to go on without them?
I have written about the deaths of friends before….
…the death of a pet….
…the death of a friendship…..
...and loss....
I have a friend who is going through a
very deep, personal, tragic loss right now. She did not ask me any advice on
what to do in this moment to begin to grieve; yet, I reached out to her and
gave her my thoughts. I thought she might need some words in this moment. I
thought I would share some things I have learned about the grieving process, in
case someone else out there is going through the same thing.
To know what to do in times of death and
dying is difficult at best. It is hard to know where to begin. The first step,
I feel, is to breathe. One cannot advance through the grief and begin to heal
without taking a breath. Breathing reminds us to live in this moment. It
reminds us to be thankful for the life within us. It centers us and brings
about calm.
An important step in the grieving process
is to ride the waves of emotions as they come. The closer you were to that
person, the deeper your grief. Whatever you are feeling, allow yourself to feel
it. One moment you will be fine, the next you can be brought to your knees with
grief. All of those feelings and waves of emotion are normal. Believe me,
it does not feel normal. Yet, it is part of the process. I told my friend that
I truly know how she feels, because I have been there.
Another crucial part of the grieving
process is to express it. If only to yourself, even if no one else will bear
witness, it is important to express what you are feeling. Whatever your
preferred method of expression, be it exercise, drawing, playing music,
painting, writing, singing, acting, whatever your means of expression, do it.
Express yourself. Express your hurt.
One crucial step in the grieving process
is to let it be. If there is something that you are going through that you
cannot overcome, sit in the emotions and let it be. Let it be until it leaves
you. Sit in the emotions until you can stand up and get yourself out of the hurt. This can be a very difficult, devastating part of the grieving process.
Yet you need to hear the Beatles in your head and let it be.
Another important thing to do in times of
grief is to reach out to people. If you are having a hard time, if you want to
talk to someone, talk about it. Once after the death of a friend, I reached out
to God. I prayed to God to welcome her to heaven, and to watch over my friend’s
family. I then reached out to my friend who had passed. I spoke to her in a
moment of prayer. She of course did not respond. I do not know if she even
heard me. Yet in a quiet moment to myself, I spoke to her. I came to a
realization that my friend was no longer sick, no longer in pain, and that she
was free. Her spirit was free to fly to the moon. Her spirit was at peace;
knowing that my friend was no longer suffering from her illness, so was mine.
It did my spirit good to talk to her again, to say the things I never said, to
say goodbye.
While talking to my friend today, I
shared that once, while crying over the loss of a friend, I remember tears
stinging my eyes. I have often wondered why this sometimes happens. I shared
with my friend that I later read something about this phenomenon; tears sting
our eyes because they are cleansing our grief and pain from our bodies. It is
another crucial part of the grieving process.
Another step of the process is to cherish
the memories that come to you. The memories might cause you pain at first, they
might fill your heart with sorrow. Yet it is important to know, to realize,
that these memories are precious reminders of the one you have lost. Let the
memories come. Let them help you through the process. They will come when you
are ready.
The last thing that is crucial in times
of grief is to be good to yourself. Envelop yourself in the things that bring
you comfort-a soft blanket, a cup of tea, a warm bubble bath, a cat sitting on
your lap, a dog laying at your feet. Give yourself the comfort you need.
There is one more star in the sky
tonight. That star is shining with all of its might, shining all of her light
and love down on you. Be open to receive the love. Be open to grieve
and heal from the loss of this loved one. Be thankful that this person came
into your life. Be patient with yourself as you ride the waves of emotions.
Give yourself permission to feel all you are feeling. Do not judge yourself or
your thoughts and emotions. Express what it is you feel. If you cannot
get past a feeling, let it be until you are ready to do so. Reach out to
someone if you need to talk about it. Let yourself weep if you need to. When
you are ready, the memories will come. Cherish them. Above all else, be good to
yourself.
“Trust me, trust me, she ain’t going
anywhere.
Trust me, she told me, when you’re ready
she’ll be there.
No, don’t let go of her.
Now you fly like an eagle above….”
-Waltz Away Dreaming, Toby Bourke
© Esperanza Habla All Rights Reserved
Comments
Post a Comment