LGBT + Me
October is National LGBT history month in
the United States. Today is also National Coming Out Day I felt compelled to
mark the day, to discuss some important issues.
It has been a year and a half since I
discovered my true sexual orientation. I am demisexual. The definition of a
demisexual is: “someone who only experiences sexual attraction after a strong
emotional bond has been formed with another person.”
Demisexuality is in the
middle of the sexual spectrum if you will, between sexuality and asexuality.
I sometimes add a prefix to this sexual
orientation: I am “hetero-demisexual.” “Hetero” being short for “heterosexual”,
meaning that I am romantically and sexually attracted to the opposite sex.
For more information on these terms, and my
discovery of my sexual identity, I refer to you to my previous blog posts on
this topic:
In the second blog post above, I answered
questions from people who were curious about demisexuality. One of the
questions posed still resonates with me…
“Demisexuality
is queer. Do you identify as ‘queer’?”
My answer to that question was:
“Growing up, I heard the word ‘queer’ in
school as an insult to demean a person who is homosexual. As an adult, I have
heard many gay people and bisexuals use the word to define how they identify
themselves on the sexual spectrum. To me, I have only known the word ‘queer’
associated with homosexuality and bi-sexuality. So no, I do not identify as
queer.”
I still believe what I wrote above. That is
not how I identify. I would never call anyone that name.
However, I must share that I have learned a
new definition of the word “queer.” As I said above, the term is now used by
many in the LGBT community to identify their sexual identity and or gender orientation.
It has also become an identifier, or an umbrella term for the entire LGBT
community:
With this definition of the word, the above
question takes on a different meaning. Demisexuality, which is part of
asexuality, does fall under the umbrella term “queer.” However, that is not how
I identify. I would never call anyone queer unless that person had used that
word to describe themselves.
While demisexuality is under the umbrella
term as “queer”, it therefore also falls under the LGBT heading. However, I
have trouble with this distinction. LGBT is an acronym that stands for Lesbian,
Gay, Bisexual, Transgender. I do not identify as any of these sexual
orientations. I feel I do not fall into the LGBT category.
Yet, I have seen recent posts on news and
social media sites that uses the acronym LGBT+. The addition of the plus sign to
the end of the acronym is meant to categorize everyone under the “queer”
umbrella term.
I recently learned of a new acronym,
G.S.D.-which stands for Gender Sexuality Diversity. This acronym in itself is
an umbrella term which covers everyone in the LGBT community as well as those like
me who are represented by the plus sign.
Since learning of my demisexuality, I have
searched for a flag that truly represents the sexual orientation. This is the
official demisexual flag:
It bears a strong resemblance to the
asexual flag:
The colors of the
flag, from the grayscale color spectrum, represent the asexual spectrum. The
purple color represents community.
As for the LGBT
community, their flag is the rainbow flag. It
“Baker's
original flag had eight colours, each representing a different aspect of
humanity:
§
Pink - sexuality
§
Red - life
§
Orange - healing
§
Yellow- sunlight
§
Green - nature
§
Turquoise - art
§
Indigo - harmony
§
Violet - human spirit
It would later be reduced to six stripes, removing pink and
indigo, and swapping blue for turquoise.”
The current LGBT flag represents:
"Rainbow Flag Representation" by Esperanza Habla
However, when someone sees a rainbow flag,
they automatically think of the LGBT community. Does the rainbow flag represent
me? I do not feel that it does. I would like to find a G.S.D. flag, one that
was representative of the LGBT community and the plus. I created this flag,
which has the colors of the rainbow flag as well as the asexual flag…
"G.S.D. Flag" by Esperanza Habla
I would love to
see a checkered flag, with LGBT and asexual colors represented.
It is generally reported that the LGBT
community is 10% of the population, those with minority sexual orientations
like mine, in the plus community (+) encompass 1% of the population.
However, those numbers are about to
change. According to a new poll result in England, one third of people from 16
to 22 years of age identify as gay or bisexual. That is one in every three
people. That is exponentially larger than 10%.
This year I took part in my local Pride
parade; it was my third year to attend. While there I saw people with asexual
flags on their backs, wearing them like a Superman cape. I instantly broke out
into a smile. For the first time, I saw others like me. I felt represented. We
were represented. The 1% of us in the + were represented. The entire G.S.D. was
represented. It was my first time participating knowing my sexual orientation.
I felt part of the club.
Do I feel part of the LGBT community?
Personally, no, I do not. Yet, that is the most likely community in which I
would be represented. Do I feel a part of the G.S.D. community? Yes, I do.
It is important to be represented by the
club, the “queer” club, the LGBT+ club, the G.S.D. club. Whatever the term of
the club, it is a club I never thought I would be joining. I did not choose to
be a part of the club. Like every sexual orientation and gender identity, my
demisexuality is not a choice. I cannot change it, I did not choose it. This is
how I was wired. This is how God made me.
If you are part of the LGBT+ community, or
the G.S.D. community, speak your truth. Know who and what you are. Let your freak flag fly. Celebrate
what makes you who you are, how God made you. God does not make mistakes.
If you are not a part of the LGBT+ or
G.S.D. community, become an ally for someone who is. Never assume to know
someone’s gender identity or sexual orientation. If someone comes to you and shares
how they identify, believe them. They know themselves better than you do. Let
them tell you what labels they prefer, what pronouns they wish to be called.
Moving forward I have come to terms with
the difficulties defining my minority sexual orientation, and the name of the
accurate category I fit in. I feel I am G.S.D., not LGBT+ or queer.
I have heard that being in this community
is a gift, and that everyone in the community was created as we are for a
reason. I have yet to find my gift in being G.S.D. However, knowing how I
identify is a gift in and of itself. Learning about demisexuality was an
immense gift to me. I finally know that I am as I am meant to be. I am
demisexual, just as God made me.
Comments
Post a Comment