Striving for Perfection

I sit at the computer and begin to write. Thoughts pour into my mind as I type. Sometimes the thoughts come faster than 

I can filter them. The energy flows intrinsically.

I sit with a pen and my favorite notebook and begin to write. My thoughts are faster than my hand can write.

However it happens, by pen and paper or computer and screen, I continue to write. However, I often find myself hindered, by judgment.

"Is this good enough? Is it good enough to post on my blog, 

to share with the world?"

I think back to a conversation with a writer/publisher friend of mine that happened a few years back. He once told me:

“Allow yourself write free of judgment. Get the thoughts on the paper.

Let it be. Go back to it later.”

Perfection is a cruel thing for an artist. It can stymie creativity and can lead to insecurity and doubt. We want to create art and do it well. We want our art to be received well. We know within ourselves that perfection is unattainable. 

Yet, perfection can be a powerful creative device. The more we strive for perfection, the more perfect our result becomes. In my training as a singer, we were told to picture the highest level of performance as we rehearsed.  We visualized our staying in key, our voices blending in perfect harmony, performing the piece as perfectly as we could. As weeks of rehearsal converted into moments of performance, we became the highest forms of our artistic selves. We became what we had visualized in our rehearsals. We became what we strove to be. Perfection.

Now that I am a published author, I hold myself to a higher scrutiny. While this is a useful skill to employ, I find that it leads me to a higher judgment of what I write. I still find myself judging my writing, striving for perfection.

"This will go into a book one day. Is this good enough to put into a book? 

Is it worthy of being published?"

I have received so many wonderful comments from readers who have read my first book.  One woman wrote and told me she uses my book as a tutorial in her group therapy sessions. Another woman that wrote me said that she uses my book as her daily prayer devotional. Another woman wrote me said that she goes to my book whenever she is feeling introspective; she reads a poem in the book, and then writes what that poem made her think and feel.

I never imagined the impact that my words would have such an impact on others. I never imagined that people would to come to me, to seek wisdom from my words. I feel tremendously proud that readers would honor me in such a way, to hold my work in such high esteem. This feedback from my readers lets me know that I have found my purpose in life, as well as my passion.

When I set out to publish my poetry, I decided to do it as a personal goal, to realize my dream of being a published author. I did not choose to do it for the money, rather solely for the passion of the task. I hoped that friends and family would buy copies of my book, and that I might sell a book or two online. To date I have sold over 60 copies. 

I know this amount will not get me a place on the New York Times Best Seller list. Yet, I published this book myself. It began with me. This artistic endeavor is completely dependent on me.  Selling sixty copies is miraculous to me. The book is the first of many more books to come. As any journey begins with a single step, this publishing journey began with a single book. And I did not publish the book until it was perfect.

Going forward I must now do my readers proud, and maintain the high standard I have set for myself. I must remember the sage advice my friend gave me. I must not judge what I write as I am writing it.

 I should be more patient with my musings, and with myself. I should let it be, visualize my end result, not rush to judgment, all while striving for perfection.

"Art has no end but its own perfection."-Plato

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