Forgiveness
I have been
thinking a lot lately about the concept of forgiveness. I have heard many
quotes about forgiveness. People always say, “Forgive and forget”. “Be quick to
forgive”. “To err is human; to forgive, divine”.
There are many
symbols of forgiveness around the world, including the chalice, the dove, the
olive branch, a candle, the Christian cross. My favorite symbol of forgiveness
is the feather.
Have you ever
looked at a feather? Really looked at a feather? There are so many intricacies
and complexities in a single feather-the stem, the veins, the texture, the size
and shape, the many hues of color. To me, the feather is the perfect symbol of
forgiveness. As many complexities there are in a single feather, there are that
many complexities to forgiveness.
The act of
forgiveness is easier said than done. I am reminded of a quote I heard recently
from C. S. Lewis: “Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they
have something to forgive.” In our lives we all have hurts, have pain, have
been devastated by someone, maybe even violated by someone. I believe that the
deeper the hurt, the longer the process of forgiveness takes.
Forgiveness is especially
hard when the person has not shown any remorse for their behavior, have not
apologized for their actions, when we feel they do not deserve to be forgiven. However,
we need to think of ourselves also, not just the person who wronged us. We need
to choose to forgive ourselves as well, for letting that person hurt us.
When someone
hurts us, causes us pain, takes advantage of us, we have a choice to forgive.
We have a choice to let go and move on. We have a choice to forgive the person
that has hurt us. We also have the choice to forgive the deeds that were done
to us. We can forgive the person who hurt us and not what they did. Likewise we
can forgive what that person did to us and never forgive them.
The act of forgiveness is
often seen as excusing the behavior of the person who wronged you or hurt you.
In reality, forgiveness is really a gift to yourself. You’re letting go of the
pain, the hurt, moving on, and obtaining peace.
The act of
forgiveness is a choice. It takes time to heal. You’re going to feel how you
feel until you stop feeling that way. You can’t rush it, you can’t hurry it
along, you can’t ignore it. Be open to the choice of forgiveness, be it for the
person or what they did to you.
Be open to forgiveness. It is
never easy. Take control of the situation and when you are ready, choose to forgive
that person for all that they did to you. Or, choose to forgive their actions. Pray
that they learn the lessons they need to learn. And, most importantly, forgive
yourself for letting a person you truly cared about hurt you so deeply.
Relax. Breathe. Forgive.
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