Loss
In the past
month, I have noticed an unfortunate turn of events. One of my co-workers lost
a loved one. An online friend broke up with their boyfriend of over a decade.
Another co-worker lost a loved one. A friend’s fiancé died-they had been
engaged ten years. You might be asking yourself what these incidents have in
common. The answer is simple-loss.
The subject of
loss is one that I am familiar with. My cherished cat of seventeen years died
last year. Also last year I lost my best friend-not to death, to life. Losses
in life can be devastating things. They can send us into a spiral of pain and
despair that can take months if not years to overcome.
In the past
month some of these friends who have experienced losses, or had family members
who experienced the loss, have come to me and asked me for help. Even though
the circumstances were different, there are some common phrases: “I don’t know what to do. What should I do?
Tell me what to do.” Quite often we ask for something to do in these
situations because we feel helpless. We feel out of control. We can’t take away
the pain. We feel helpless when we see a family member in despair. Our own pain
makes us want to fall to our knees and collapse in a puddle of tears and hurt.
One of my good
friends came to me after having her heart broken. “What do I do? I don’t know what
to do.” My answer to her was to relax, breathe, read, pray, eat some
chocolate, be good to herself, ride the waves of emotion as they come. If you
have experienced a loss, I do not need to tell you how painful it can be. One
thing that I cannot stress enough is “be good to yourself”. Surround yourself
in positive thoughts, things that make you comfortable-a cup of tea, a long hot
bath. Take the emotions as they come. Find someone to talk to. If the loss you
are feeling is centered around a specific person, look at the bigger picture.
Don’t concentrate on the end. Be grateful for the good things that happened
while this person was in your life. Think about everything you learned from the
experience. Write down what you cannot say, what you wish you could have said,
what you want to say. Every day the hurt gets less and less. One day you will
wake up and something will have changed. It’s an indescribable thing, an
intangible thing; but you will notice the difference. You will wake up and the
hurt won’t be as bad anymore. When I heard this I thought it sounded like a
stupid cliché. Trust me when I tell you that this is true.
For those whose
friends or loved ones have experienced a loss, my advice would be to relax,
breathe, pray, and offer guidance when needed. The number one thing would be to
listen. They need to talk about what they’re feeling and experiencing. If you
can, let them talk to you. Listen. Be open to what they are telling you. Pray
for them and take care of yourself. You will need to keep up your reserves of
strength if they need to lean on you. Keep up your reserves of strength so you
can be strong for them. Be willing to listen and offer advice. If the person
needs some time apart, time alone to reflect and deal with their pain, give
them that time alone. They will come to you when they are ready.
There are many
intense, painful emotions that accompany loss. The good part about loss is that
the hurt is temporary. It may not feel like it when we’re in the middle of it.
Trust me, it is only for now. Everything is only for now. The pain dulls. The
scars heal.
One day, very
soon, you will awaken and be changed-for the better. The skies will be sunny
and the pain won’t be as deep. You will notice that the scars will remain with
you as a reminder of what you have gone through, a battle scar signifying what
you have survived. Our scars make us who we are. Our scars make us beautiful.
© Esperanza Habla All Rights Reserved
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