Confidence

As I have written before, I have two kittens, Kit and Caboodle. The two kittens are almost a year old. It is fun to watch them play together, sometimes wrestling, sometimes galloping through the house as if they were wild stallions. I love to see them interact together, teach each other things, cuddle with each other.

Yesterday, I bought the kittens some new toys. One of the toys I bought is a plastic wand with a long strip of fabric on the end of it. To play with it, the human waves the wand and the piece of fabric moves on the floor (or through the air). The cat then follows the piece of fabric and plays with it, as if it is a snake or similar animal. It brings out their hunting instincts, and is a natural form of play.

I brought the toy out for the kittens to play with. To my shock, they were terrified; they ran and hid under the bed. It did not take me long to figure out why they were afraid-they had never seen a toy like that before.

I spoke to them in a calming tone, telling them that everything was alright, and that they would love this new toy. 

I walked past my bed, carrying the wand, slowly dragging the piece of fabric on the floor. Instinct got the better of Kit and she bounded right out from under the bed. Within 5 minutes I had her hooked.

As the time passed Kit’s confidence grew, and she became more self-assured with the toy. A few minutes later, Caboodle came out from hiding. She watched Kit playing with it, and learned how to do it. Within 5 minutes both Kit and Caboodle were playing with the toy. Their moments of absolute terror ended in an evening of frolic and delight with their new toy.

That experience with the kittens last night reminded me of when I began to write. True, I never ran from a room in terror and hid under a bed at the thought of having to write something. But I was very insecure about writing, at first. It was something I had never really done before.

I was encouraged to begin writing three years ago, by a few friends, as a means of self-expression, to convey my thoughts and emotions. I remember sharing my writings with these new friends and being completely insecure. I would ask things like:

“Did you like it? Did you understand it? Do you understand why I said that? What did you think about it?”

I was like the terrified kitten with the new toy. I didn’t know if I was writing correctly, conveying what I really wanted to say, or even writing in a way that anyone besides me would understand. My friends filled the mentor role, as I did with the kittens. They assured me they liked what I wrote and encouraged me to continue.

I used to ask my friends what they thought about something I’d written. I was very insecure. I did not think I had any talent as a writer at all. My friends reassured me and told me that my writing was very good, and that I should continue. Honestly, I thought they were placating me. As I wrote more and shared my poems with friends my confidence grew.

One day, I asked a friend what he would think about my creating a blog of my writing. He greatly encouraged me to do so. I told him I could never do that; share my deepest thoughts and feelings with the world. That’s when Esperanza Habla was born.

Writing under the pen name Esperanza Habla gives me the confidence I needed to express what I want to say. I have a new found confidence in myself. I am not the person I was three years ago. I also have confidence in my writing. I write a poem and post it; I don’t ask anyone’s opinion about it.

However, sometimes I will get comments from my blog readers. They tell me:

“You are so good at writing." "Keep writing." "I read your poem; it really helped me." "Reading your poem, I felt what you felt." "Your poetry is so universal-everyone can relate." "I love what you wrote. Keep writing.”

Although I don’t solicit these comments, they are very encouraging to me. I love hearing that I have helped someone. That is a precious feeling to me.

I have truly grown in confidence over the last three years. I became a writer. I became Esperanza Habla. I have grown into a poet with one blog, and now a second. I have grown into a publisher, forming my own publishing company to publish my written works. None of this would have ever happened, or maybe happened in this way, without those initial friends’ words of encouragement.

I recently heard a quote that says: “The master opens the door, but only you can enter.” I want to thank my friends for being the masters that opened the door for me, encouraging me to write, believing in me. I want to thank myself, and Esperanza Habla, for having the confidence to walk through.

© Esperanza Habla All Rights Reserved

 “The masters can open the door, but only you can enter.”